Deception of my life.

I sat and looked all around. Turned my head this way and then  that way.
Now, all I could see was illusions. Illusions created by an artist, illusions created by the omnipotent being, illusions bought by my parents and illusions that my subconsciousness was constantly creating as imagination. Why?Why? Why, do I term everything as an illusion that I see around me?

Maybe, these things, people, living creatures, these standing odds and ends I see around are mere and insignificant deceptions for me? But, Why still an illusion? Well, I cannot understand how they are made or why they are made. I look at the table that resides right by my bed and the only thing that comes to my mind is, ‘that table’ is transformed to the current possession from a something that breath in the past! And then I tend to give it more profound thought. So, why and how is that tree created?

Even though Science already can define the accurate answer for that but,believe me I am in a search for a different answer. A different interpretation of why and how things around me are happening. What is the purpose of my every heart beat? Why I need to bury my past for the sake of my future?  I am not a Saint looking for answers of universe but it’s just a thought that crosses my mind every now and then more over every second I look into something and try to figure out what exactly is happening right now. I picture it rather like a movie frame in a very slow time session. Then again, anything that I cannot answer is an illusion for me and so is everything that lives, dies or doesn’t fulfills or even fulfills  its purpose becomes an illusion for me.  But, maybe it’s because I never had the courage to face the harsh reality or maybe I never looked for the answer so through and deep that the answers always had been reflecting on myself like a crystal clear. Is that what we call perception? “All the answers lies within you”…… sort of thing?  shutterstock_181640888

Talking, about illusions, do you ever feel like your dreams, your aim and your purpose of this life is just another illusion? Death is itself the biggest illusion for the living. It’s a fact everyone knows is that ‘Nobody knows what happens right at the death? ‘  If the end is illusion itself, why we pry so hard for the answers right now?
For some of us, our life is nothing more than fulfillment of our demands. What are you doing? Why are you doing? How are you doing?  You get rather the same answer for all these questions. Do what you can do live happily and try to fulfill all your desires before you die. As simple as that. And for some of us its more reflective, impeding and disorganized.

I am the latter. As I said, the older I grow to be, the world seems more illusory even on atomic levels yet familiar. What I mean is : everything I see right now, everything I feel is so delirium and illusory. I know what I want to do with my life and what I want to be yet now I cannot tell you why I want that. I know everything I want to know yet I am unaware of this ball of wool.
Trying to find the answers, is reflective. On this process, I get to know more about Who am I. Sigh!
Sometimes my mind is disoriented and disorganized from profound thoughts like this and I start to write. Already disoriented eh? Started from illusions reached to questions I ask with my life!
Well is a sort of manner NO!  I only knew few answers of my life others remaining are left unanswered. Therefore are illusion, a deception I have to live with. Deception hunting all the living and the dead. Deception due to which we are given a path for life. Deception that rules us while we are unaware of that.

Now, everything seems so new and adventurous to me as everything seems illusory to me. People, non living things, this air I am breathing. The eyes I am seeing from. The music I am listening to. I have No idea of Why and how on the deepest sense? Deepest sense here acknowledges the true meaning. And Sometime these illusions make me question my own Sanity! Now I am so deep into these thoughts that I question my physical existence. Am I real or is it just an illusion?

Sahil Dhakal

I self-learned; How to become a graphics designer, front end web page developer, music producer, and a blogger. I express myself with visuals, graphics, music, and literature. At 19, it's only learning and actions for me.


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